Scars - disfiguring or beautifying

A friend allerted me to an interesting article this morning about scars that reveal our past and can mark us as potential victims for predators on the hunt.

Yes, we always bear the scars as Jesus carried scars in His hands as well. Those of us who carry scars born out of abuse damage and wounds are marked until eternity comes. But we can be marked for His glory. And that is my goal - that my scars will invite others to the redemptive power God has over ANY THING that has been done to us, or that we have done to ourselves born out of poor choices from the unhealthy survival dance we learned during our times of abuse.

We can be a target. We do show telltale signs of our story. Give me a room full of woman for about 30 minutes of chatting and I can usually pick out those who are carrying a deep secret of some sort of harm.

I attempted to tell my story a few times when my survival dance wasn't working and the thoughts of suicide were too prevalent. Three times I spoke with pastors/counselors who saw me as prey. They were hiding their own personal sexual addictions and addictions to pornography under their cloak of "pastor" to find abuse victims to entangle in their web for their own personal use.

After the second encounter with such a wolf in sheep's clothing, I said I would never speak of my abuse again. And I held onto that vow until I was 50! Then God brought a series of circumstances and people into my life to bring me back to the journey of unpacking my story. Sadly, even that process brought the third pastor and his web.

I was deceived and distraught when truth was made clear to me. But..........God had a plan. I can walk with women who have been woven into the same trap because of the story God allowed in my life and I can help them on their journey toward healing. I have a gift of discernment that spots unhealthy men in particular, pretty quickly. So, evil meant it for harm, but God uses that part of my story for His good.

I am pretty vigilant and extremely perceptive of unsafe relationships because of my life experiences. And this can be women, too. It can be relationships that attempt to entice me to agree to things that aren't on God's plan for me; not necessarily unhealthy choices, but things that I'm not gifted or called to accomplish. Satan is very cunning and shows up in a variety of ways and in both genders.

The article is a good reminder to me that I WILL NOT compromise anything to play into the hands of someone who might try to entice me with niceties and win me over in unhealthy ways. I am so sad to realize that predators exist in EVERY walk of life and love to hide in christian entities to look for prey.

Thanks Oswald Chambers

I was reading Oswald Chambers for my morning devotion and he gave me such a gift. Though he wrote it long ago, it was written for me for today.

I'm writing a book and have a great opportunity to present a proposal to some publishers late in July. The desire has been there born out of a call from God to write and the encouragement of a number of people who have crossed my path. Their words have usually been much the same to me......."You must write a book about your story and God's redemptive work in your life!" And so in obedience I have been writing.

In fact, I've been writing for years. I recently gathered all my journals together and they date back to the early 1970's. I wrote before that, but didn't realize the importance of saving my writing. During my journey of recovery I have written hundreds of pages of journaling, some via e-mail as I processed with others.

My challenge lately has been to bring all of this writing into something that might be hopeful for others. The purpose of my book is to bring hope to others who have traveled a journey of abuse and pain similar to mine. I've been looking for the purpose, for the unique reason for this book to make it different among others and to have it reach the goal of being helpful and hopeful.

Back to Oswald and the devotion. My paraphrase of his comment goes like this. I can't give others what I've found, but I can cause them a desire to go in search of it. And that really resonates with me. I can't give others what I've found on my journey toward hope, but I can use my story to give hope and courage to others who will gather strength and embark on their own journey toward freedom and healing. He uses a portion of Luke 11:9 for his foundation. "Seek and you will find". We each must seek on our own, even though we might be led by another caring one to the seeking place.

And how does the photo play into all of this? I can't tell you about the beauty of God's sunsets and make you get the feeling I get when I enjoy one of His magnificent sky paintings. But I can take you with me to view a sunset and let God speak into you.

And I can take you along on my recovery journey and show you my progress and encourage you to begin your own journey.

Priorities -- bubbles or water or other important stuff!

It's been a while since my last post -- so where have I been .......... juggling priorities. And some of my most favorite are these Aidan is considering ....... will she play in the sprinkler or with her bubbles.



And that explains some of where I've been. There are lots of good things to be done, and some rather mundane, but necessary ones, like cooking, cleaning and laundry. But the ones that pull at my heart strings and whisper "yes" in my ear are the ones that include family and outside.



Family is about picnics at the beach, trips to the playground, sprinklers and water guns, and making bubbles and of course the customary bonfires, s'mores and pie irons!



Outside is about digging in the dirt, moving plantings around, and down on my hands and knees weeding. I love to water my flowers. I think I hear them giggle when the water hits then. And I know they smile up at my loving care with their colorful faces. Give me a couple of hours of weeding and moving dirt and I'm then ready to tackle hard stuff.


God has been whispering to me lately about my priorities. I have lots of good ones but what comes first; what's more important than the next? It's a place I'm sitting in and pondering but I haven't arrived at any final answers yet. Maybe it's a day to day thing. I'm reading Larry Crabb's "The Pressure's Off" and it's full of new thoughts. What priorities do I choose above my desire to move closer to God? Is my to-do list full of things I want or that God wants for me?


And as summer is finally upon me, I am continually looking at the list and determining what comes first today. What on my list today will really matter at the end of my journey here on Earth? What is Kingdom worthy and what is earthly and will pass away?


And right in the midst of all the pondering, will I stop pondering and rest quietly so I can hear God's whispers? Will I take time to run in the sprinkler and marvel at the rainbows of colors in the bubbles I create together with my grandchildren and let the to-do list be prioritized by God?


My thought for you to ponder................Where is God in your to-do list today? He doesn't ask us to "do". He wants us just to "be". Are you "being" or "doing" today?