If this were our usual August, I would be taking new photos of Dane's daily catches -- assuming of course that the fish were biting. There is a difference between fishing and fish catching. A phone call from our dear friends who are up in the glory of the northwoods tell us that the fishing is great, but the catching is not good - in fact in their 50 years up north, this is so far the least successful in the fish catching category.
But fishing aside, this isn't our usual August and we aren't up north. It's been on our prayer list of "hoped for" all summer. Several things have kept us from our annual rest.
Finances of course play a role. We've told each other this year we could not go. We ask and God has said "not this year". Secretly, I've continued to ask God to make a way if it is His will. Surely it's His will that I get the rest and rejunivation as I sit on my dock in the quiet of the island while I listen to the loon sing for me and the Bald Eagle soar overhead. Surely God wants me to relax in front of the campfire. Surely God, surely God, surely God....... How often do I pray with an agenda? Too often, I'm finding.
The time has come and now past for God to have changed His mind and said "Yes, you can go." So do I throw out my lower lip and pout and decide God for some crazy reason doesn't want me to rest or be revived? Do I question Him and continue to plead for a "yes"? Am I a child hoping if I whine and beg, He will change His mind? Sadly, I think some of the past few weeks looked like that to God.
We are reading Larry Crabb's The Pressure's Off. It's been a difficult read. I would have chucked the book long ago, but Dane has been finding new insight in it. Today, near the end of the book I think I'm finally getting it. God wants me to run to Him for rest and trust that in the midst of busyness, I can find peace in Him. First I must put my to-do list, my needs and my wants before Him and then TRUST that He will answer in my best interests. He isn't promising me annual trips, or financial steadiness, or warm fuzzies. If I do "A", He doesn't promise "B" - my "B" as I have it planned. He is promising me Him and He wants that to be enough for me.
It's been a tough August as I lay down my wants and consider His wants for me. I think I'm growing up. I just looked in the mirror and my lower lip isn't out. I'm determined to trust and wait upon His answers for me.
What are you pouting about today?
