Black bird, black bird, fly away home!

While enjoying the serenity of the north woods, I enjoy feeding the birds, as does my neighbor. We both have seed feeders and hummingbird feeders. The hummingbird feeders have found my feeders adequate and have graced me with their presence. They will soon begin their long journey south to warmer weather for the winter. My neighbor has lots of chickadees and finches at his feeder. I have none. My seed is as good as his and my feeders well stocked.

I don't have the coveted little birds but................I have black birds - lots of them! I came up from the dock to a loud noise - a board meeting of black birds right in my yard. They have found my feeders and have invited their friends and family to join them.

At first just my presence frightened them off. Then they became more comfortable with me and I needed to clap my hands. Next I needed to add the words spoken with force "Shoo, Shoo!!" to the clapping. I wonder if I'm a comedy act for my neighbors as I shoo black birds out of my yard?

My time resting was being interrupted as the need to clap and yell "Shoo, Shoo!!" came more frequently. As I stood at the window washing dishes yesterday, God showed me a lesson on value. Who says the chickadees and finches are more valuable? They may be more colorful, but if I look at the shiny black feathers of the black birds when the sun hits them, I see a banquet of colors.

God doesn't see the birds as having variable values. He sees each as unique, valuable, and having a distinct purpose in the community of birds.

I took this a step further to me and my community of people. God sees each of us as equally valuable, unique and God has a plan for each of us, a life plan designed specifically for me. God has a huge refrigerator which has the photo of each one of His children on it. If I take the time to look, I'll find my photo there on His refrigerator.

I've been inviting God into my time of sabbatical. I missed His lesson in the black birds a first but I get it now. They came to my feeders for a purpose specifically for me. They are welcome to stay!

"Rain, rain go away - come again another day. This was my lament. Dane was at a delicate place in completing a project. My campfire was just about perfect for the soon-to-be enjoyed s'mores. Rain wasn't in the schedule and not a welcome addition to our plans. No, God, please - not rain - not right now. Yes, the earth does need rain - but God...........I have these plans and rain doesn't fit them well. Could you wait until another time to rain? Wah, wah, wah, on went my whining until the downpour of rain told me strongly that God intended for it to rain and for it to rain right now - despite my plans. My plans didn't coincide with God's plans and His plans were best. Hum..........are there other areas of my life when I whine at God to change His plans to suit mine?

As I sulked in my chair under the awning, a bright light caught my eye. It was a rainbow, one of the most brilliant and wide rainbows I've ever seen. I have a passion for rainbows and sunsets. I have lots of photos of gorgeous sunsets, but not many rainbows. To have a beautiful rainbow, first there must be a storm. This rainbow seemed to come right up out of the Canadian mountains and it's arc was complete, ending out over the water to the east - just as bold at one end as the other. As I grabbed my camera to capture this gift, there appeared yet another rainbow, not as bright, but there, just the same. Two rainbows, a sight I rarely see!

Dane was able to complete his project just before the rain got really heavy and there will be other evenings for camp fires and s'mores. The rain that I saw as an intrusion was God's plan to bless me and to answer my request to Him.

I've been purposing to quiet myself, listen to God's whispers to me and look for ways He is showing up in my life for me personally. God showed up through the rainbow, but first I had to trust His plan, a plan that didn't match the plan I had for the evening.

Without the rain I would have missed a beautiful meeting with Him. I purpose to continue to watch and listen for God and to look at areas of my life where I miss His gifts to me because of my resistance to His plan while clamouring for my own.

Serenity

The fifth wheel is packed and ready and we will soon be on the road to our little place of serenity in the north woods. We've been going there a long time. I remember the first time I visited Sugar Island. We went with our dear friends, David and Carolyn Miller. They now own the property right next to us and Dane and David will spend hours in the coming days attempting to entice fish onto any variety of baits in their tackle boxes.

Back to that first time...........Carolyn and I each left our babies of about 9 months behind with Grandmas. David's 55 chevy had car trouble on the way up and we arrived on the island in the dark. Back then Sugar Island was lit at night mostly by God's stars which are magnificent, but not light enough for a frightened young woman whose been fed people- eating bear stories all the way up. Yes, there are bear on the island but I've yet to see one. I'm always looking the wrong way and miss them. And they tell me the moose couple and their young are much more to be feared than the bear.

Now back to that first time.......two young married couples, a tiny, tiny vintage Scotty trailer, two little babies left back home, no electricity, an outhouse for personal needs, and not near enough chocolate chip cookies to soothe the homesickness. My words as we finally left the island that year (1967) was "if I ever get off this island alive, I'll NEVER step foot on it again!"

It's now 43 years later and I've gone back often. As I re-check packing lists and to-do's for those last minute needs, I can hardly wait to return to my little place of serenity. A number of years ago, God orchestrated an opportunity for us to purchase one of the lake lots. We now have running water, electricity and a beautiful fifth wheel that contains every thing I could possibly need for camping. When our son visited us and I mentioned camping, as he sprawled out on the comfy couch, he said "OK Mom, let's get serious! This is NOT camping!" He was remembering the early days of 5 young children on the lot with no running water, no electricity, an outhouse and "joy bucket" as Dad called it in the tent at night. One year it rained so hard the tent filled with water and we woke up to soaked sleeping bags and pillows. The children loved it.... getting to fish in David's boat, our annual trip to the local Pizza Hut, the camp fires, with s'mores and pie irons and our annual trips into Canada to see God's wilderness and beauty.

So again, God has graced me with a time to rest my mind and body as I hear the loons calling and watch the bald eagles fly in and out of their nest just across the water. I'll sit on my dock, across from the Canadian mountains and create things with my hands while I rest my mind and listen to God speak His words into me. I am blessed. Little did I know that first year at Sugar Island, the story God would write through me and the love relationship that would grow between me and the island. I go again open to what God has planned for the next stories He will write through me.

And if God is generous, maybe the men will catch some fish for us to enjoy.........and if not, we'll soothe ourselves with our annual trip riding the ferry to the mainland to enjoy a cheeseburger and fries at Clydes or a triple waffle ice cream cone at the local fudge shop while we watch the big ships go through the Soo Locks on their way to the big water.

Good bye to the place that holds so many stories............. this house - the place that housed me for 16 years - will soon go on the auction block. It looks different than I remember it. That's because it's gone through a transformation over time - just like my life.

When we arrived in late July, the house looked sad. It was run down, needed a fresh coat of paint inside and out, and I don't ever remember seeing the right side of this house this open. It was always encased in weeds covering much of it's exterior. At one time the owners of the house planted flowers but over time weeds had taken up residence. Now in my garden are small patches of lily of the valley and ivy from this place - new beginnings for abandoned beauty.

Inside, the ceiling battered by leaks, had fallen to the floor and the walls which could tell story after story, needed to be recovered with new. The attic held a stench and tell tale signs of being the home of a variety of vermits for a number of years. Once the evidence was removed, and the smell eradicted, the walls shored up and things put in order, it looked hopeful - even livable.

As we pulled away from this place after a grueling and non-stop weekend of hard labor, the house seemed to smile. Someone had come alongside it to help restore it to hope and new life. As we prepared to leave, the tears began to flow. This was good bye for good for me - the closing of doors long open and at times precarious and uncertain. Now, truth, closure, new hope and new beginnings for me and for this house.

This house has been in the generational cycle of my family for over 90 years. I spoke a prayer over the house that a new family might come to write new chapters here, chapters of laughter, family games, warm and inviting meals. Maybe someone to care for the roots of flowers once planted, taken over by neglect and now offered a space to grow and bloom again. Sounds like the path of many lives, including mine....... new beginnings, new hope, and new places to grow and bloom.

As I looked into the mirror at the woman I've become the following thoughts I once read came to me..............

She danced
She sang
She gave
She created
She dissented
She enlivened
She saw
She grew
She sweated
She changed
She learned
She laughed
She shed her skin
She bled on the pages of "her days"
She walked through walls
She lived with intention

These are the days of my life and my mission to live with intention.

Teenage Tantrums

I had a special meeting with God a couple of weeks ago. I asked Him some difficult questions about the story He has written through my life. There are parts of the story that have been difficult to carry at times. I was railing against His plan, much like a rebellious teenager. I wanted what I wanted, how I wanted it, when I wanted it and didn't want to compromise or consider other options. God let me rant and rave. In fact I think He might have welcomed my tantrums. He says he doesn't like luke warm responses to His call. I've been giving Him too much luke warm lately. In the end when I had come to the end of myself, God came for me just as He promises.

The photo was taken by someone I didn't know. I wasn't aware the photograph was being taken. The photographer was taking a photo of someone she didn't know and she wasn't sure the subject would want this moment captured.

I am grateful that this moment was captured for me. It's me offering an apology to God for being ungrateful for His story that He's writing through me. It's a moment of deep worship for me as I had battled the Enemy of my soul, and once again I won - and God wooed me back to a deeper walk with him. When I sense resistance and struggle, I can go back to this picture and be reminded of God's promises to come for me in my deepest times of battle.

Thank you LaDonna for taking this photo. It's a gift to me - a reminder of a very sacred meeting with God on the shores of Lake Michigan.

Caring for myself

Why is it so hard to take time for me - to do the things that will rest me, make me healthier, refresh me? I can find an entire to-do list that has priority over walking or taking time to write or just read by the ponds.

Who says we can't come first at times? Where are the lies that tell us that everything else must be in order before we can indulge in ourselves. Those are insidious lies that keep us bound to doing for everyone else while sacrificing ourselves. And really - it's not sacrifice. It's idolaltry. It's saying that to-do lists and others' expectations are more important than taking time for ourselves. Sounds like a set up for self pity.

God calls us to take care of our body - He calls it our temple. When I'm in a "temple" or fancy church, shrine, or cathedral, there is a reverence that is there for that place. When I choose not to do the right things for my body - my temple - where is the reverence? Where is hearing God's word that says care for myself.

If I continue to dismiss my personal needs, I soon begin to serve others out of emptiness. Sadly, I've learned from experience that is a dangerous place from which to serve. It can lead to harming others with my contempt, my feeling used (even though I've done it to myself!) and my resentment of those I'm serving.

So.....today I WILL walk my 1/2 hour and I will spend time floating in the pool. Yes, there is laundry to do, e-mails to answer and others to care for. But..........for a short hour out of a busy day, I'll care for myself.

In what ways do you care appropriately for yourself?