Where are you God?

I've had moments in life when I struggled to find God in the
pain and disappointments of my life. Today is one of those times.

The story of another has given me opportunity to walk back through some of the scenes of my life and the choices I've made to follow God. I followed God not because I could see Him, or that He wrote His next steps for me in my date book. I followed Him because early in life I sensed His presence and felt His guidance. At that young age, I really didn't know who He was. Often in times of difficulty, I felt an urging that took me out of harm's way and into some safety. Later in life I came to know this as God's grace and protection over me.

As I've journeyed through adulthood, I have sensed His call many times and tried to follow in obedience. God has come to rescue me many times from difficult places and battles.

The photo to the right was taken by a new friend in Alaska of the beauty and serenity there. It has gripped at my heart this morning and so portrays where I am. I am trusting, though weary, I am longing, though facing some of those longings going unmet by God. I am living in reality, and struggling to stay present and hopeful. I am looking into the distance and trying to see God, as I look into the distance of this photo, trying to see the mountains on the horizon. The photo is a bit hazy and unclear. So is my life at this moment. There are tracks to follow, but I don't know where they lead. It seems desolate and void. My heart feels desolate and void.

There is a slight red haze on the horizon. Is that hope of a sunrise or Sonrise to come in my life? Or is that the sign of yet another storm brewing - a battle to be fought, a fight with Evil to try to shut down my heart and my hope.

Where are you God? The road map of my past tells me that You God will show up in Your timing with Your plan. Why is it so hard to remember that promise in the midst of the battle? When will you silence Evil for the last time? When will the sunrise truly be the SONRISE as Gabriel sounds the trumpets and You come on your white horse to end the pain of this earth. I long for the day, God. I am weary of the battle.