Water - gentle or fierce

The upper left photo is the gently moving river in front of our home in the north woods. The upper right photo is one of God's majestic water falls in northern Canada. And the lower left photo is of our two new ponds, recently constructed by my son, husband and me. Water is a place of quiet and serenity for me. However, in the past week I've seen water be a raging and fierce source of damage and destruction. We are in the area that received 18 inches of water last week with another 2 to 3 falling this past Saturday. Many of our friends and acquaintances are flooded out, having lost everything. It's been frightening to see the effects of water raging into places it was never intended to be and never been before. There are scenes that are unimaganeable unless seen with your own eye. And there has been tragedy in the loss of lives. Stuff can be replaced, people can not. In the midst of the muck and mire is a miracle story that I want to share. A mother and her five children lost everything in the flood, including their car which was swept into the raging waters and destroyed. Her husband had left her and the children two weeks before this, canceling the insurance on her car and home. Tony, who attends church with us, owns a nice BBQ restaurant in the area of the flooding. His restaurant was spared. Tony went into the flooded neighborhoods offering free food. This woman and her children arrived that afternoon asking for a meal. As she shared her plight with Tony, a man was standing nearby and overheard. He stepped up to her and shared that he has more money than he will ever spend. His financial advisors keep urging him to invest in this or put money in that stock. He said that doesn't make sense to him, but this need does. And with that he offered his card to her and to Tony. He said he is going to buy her a new home and new car. So in the midst of the mud and misery, a Good Samaritan is present. And his story is grand, but there are so many other stories that are just as generous. We are each called to give out of what we have. Some of us can give more than others. It's not how much we give, but what we give out of what has been given to us. As you sit in your dry home, will you ponder what God is calling you to give. Maybe that's not a material thing, but a talent or gifting or maybe just a smile or a word of hope to someone who is struggling. Stay dry and keep pondering....................

If this were our usual August, I would be taking new photos of Dane's daily catches -- assuming of course that the fish were biting. There is a difference between fishing and fish catching. A phone call from our dear friends who are up in the glory of the northwoods tell us that the fishing is great, but the catching is not good - in fact in their 50 years up north, this is so far the least successful in the fish catching category.

But fishing aside, this isn't our usual August and we aren't up north. It's been on our prayer list of "hoped for" all summer. Several things have kept us from our annual rest.

Finances of course play a role. We've told each other this year we could not go. We ask and God has said "not this year". Secretly, I've continued to ask God to make a way if it is His will. Surely it's His will that I get the rest and rejunivation as I sit on my dock in the quiet of the island while I listen to the loon sing for me and the Bald Eagle soar overhead. Surely God wants me to relax in front of the campfire. Surely God, surely God, surely God....... How often do I pray with an agenda? Too often, I'm finding.

The time has come and now past for God to have changed His mind and said "Yes, you can go." So do I throw out my lower lip and pout and decide God for some crazy reason doesn't want me to rest or be revived? Do I question Him and continue to plead for a "yes"? Am I a child hoping if I whine and beg, He will change His mind? Sadly, I think some of the past few weeks looked like that to God.

We are reading Larry Crabb's The Pressure's Off. It's been a difficult read. I would have chucked the book long ago, but Dane has been finding new insight in it. Today, near the end of the book I think I'm finally getting it. God wants me to run to Him for rest and trust that in the midst of busyness, I can find peace in Him. First I must put my to-do list, my needs and my wants before Him and then TRUST that He will answer in my best interests. He isn't promising me annual trips, or financial steadiness, or warm fuzzies. If I do "A", He doesn't promise "B" - my "B" as I have it planned. He is promising me Him and He wants that to be enough for me.

It's been a tough August as I lay down my wants and consider His wants for me. I think I'm growing up. I just looked in the mirror and my lower lip isn't out. I'm determined to trust and wait upon His answers for me.

What are you pouting about today?

Unfolding

So many things have unfolded since I last wrote on my blog. I've been writing a lot, but not here.

The rose is from a bouquet sent in celebration of Alia's birth. She is my 16th grandchild. And she is as fresh and precious as this budding pink rose.

Other things have been unfolding in my life, too. Window of Hope, the ministry I have directed for 9 years has become Embraced By Hope, Inc.

We are nearing the final steps of the ministry becoming a 501(c)(3) not-for-profit. We need help funding this ministry so it walk through the doors God is opening. We have an open door into Cuba to take hope to them but need to fund our way. The not-for-profit status will make it easier for us to raise needed funding.

I have opened a private practive providing soul care and spiritual direction to individuals. My office doesn't look much like an office, but more like a comfortable and safe room in a home and that's my goal. A safe place for people to speak of their struggles in life and for God to enter the room and direct our journey together.

And today is the day I leave for a writers conference in North Carolina. So many along the way have asked for my book or encouraged me to write one about the beauty God has written of restoration from the ashes of the dungeons of my story.

So...... in obedience to Him and the requests of others, I'm going to the conference with my book proposal in hand and an appointment with a publisher and an agent. "From the Dungeon to the Dance" is in God's hands and my prayer is to be comfortable in whatever God has written as the next chapter in my life. Is it a book or maybe not. Will I connect in ways that open new opportunities to take Embraced By Hope in a new direction? Only God knows what comes in the next few days and I'm resting well in His plan. His will -- not mine.

What's happening with you and God today in your life? Are you clamoring for Him to change His direction for you and go your way and give you what you desire, or are you resting in His plan for you? May you rest in calm and confidence.

Scars - disfiguring or beautifying

A friend allerted me to an interesting article this morning about scars that reveal our past and can mark us as potential victims for predators on the hunt.

Yes, we always bear the scars as Jesus carried scars in His hands as well. Those of us who carry scars born out of abuse damage and wounds are marked until eternity comes. But we can be marked for His glory. And that is my goal - that my scars will invite others to the redemptive power God has over ANY THING that has been done to us, or that we have done to ourselves born out of poor choices from the unhealthy survival dance we learned during our times of abuse.

We can be a target. We do show telltale signs of our story. Give me a room full of woman for about 30 minutes of chatting and I can usually pick out those who are carrying a deep secret of some sort of harm.

I attempted to tell my story a few times when my survival dance wasn't working and the thoughts of suicide were too prevalent. Three times I spoke with pastors/counselors who saw me as prey. They were hiding their own personal sexual addictions and addictions to pornography under their cloak of "pastor" to find abuse victims to entangle in their web for their own personal use.

After the second encounter with such a wolf in sheep's clothing, I said I would never speak of my abuse again. And I held onto that vow until I was 50! Then God brought a series of circumstances and people into my life to bring me back to the journey of unpacking my story. Sadly, even that process brought the third pastor and his web.

I was deceived and distraught when truth was made clear to me. But..........God had a plan. I can walk with women who have been woven into the same trap because of the story God allowed in my life and I can help them on their journey toward healing. I have a gift of discernment that spots unhealthy men in particular, pretty quickly. So, evil meant it for harm, but God uses that part of my story for His good.

I am pretty vigilant and extremely perceptive of unsafe relationships because of my life experiences. And this can be women, too. It can be relationships that attempt to entice me to agree to things that aren't on God's plan for me; not necessarily unhealthy choices, but things that I'm not gifted or called to accomplish. Satan is very cunning and shows up in a variety of ways and in both genders.

The article is a good reminder to me that I WILL NOT compromise anything to play into the hands of someone who might try to entice me with niceties and win me over in unhealthy ways. I am so sad to realize that predators exist in EVERY walk of life and love to hide in christian entities to look for prey.

Thanks Oswald Chambers

I was reading Oswald Chambers for my morning devotion and he gave me such a gift. Though he wrote it long ago, it was written for me for today.

I'm writing a book and have a great opportunity to present a proposal to some publishers late in July. The desire has been there born out of a call from God to write and the encouragement of a number of people who have crossed my path. Their words have usually been much the same to me......."You must write a book about your story and God's redemptive work in your life!" And so in obedience I have been writing.

In fact, I've been writing for years. I recently gathered all my journals together and they date back to the early 1970's. I wrote before that, but didn't realize the importance of saving my writing. During my journey of recovery I have written hundreds of pages of journaling, some via e-mail as I processed with others.

My challenge lately has been to bring all of this writing into something that might be hopeful for others. The purpose of my book is to bring hope to others who have traveled a journey of abuse and pain similar to mine. I've been looking for the purpose, for the unique reason for this book to make it different among others and to have it reach the goal of being helpful and hopeful.

Back to Oswald and the devotion. My paraphrase of his comment goes like this. I can't give others what I've found, but I can cause them a desire to go in search of it. And that really resonates with me. I can't give others what I've found on my journey toward hope, but I can use my story to give hope and courage to others who will gather strength and embark on their own journey toward freedom and healing. He uses a portion of Luke 11:9 for his foundation. "Seek and you will find". We each must seek on our own, even though we might be led by another caring one to the seeking place.

And how does the photo play into all of this? I can't tell you about the beauty of God's sunsets and make you get the feeling I get when I enjoy one of His magnificent sky paintings. But I can take you with me to view a sunset and let God speak into you.

And I can take you along on my recovery journey and show you my progress and encourage you to begin your own journey.

Priorities -- bubbles or water or other important stuff!

It's been a while since my last post -- so where have I been .......... juggling priorities. And some of my most favorite are these Aidan is considering ....... will she play in the sprinkler or with her bubbles.



And that explains some of where I've been. There are lots of good things to be done, and some rather mundane, but necessary ones, like cooking, cleaning and laundry. But the ones that pull at my heart strings and whisper "yes" in my ear are the ones that include family and outside.



Family is about picnics at the beach, trips to the playground, sprinklers and water guns, and making bubbles and of course the customary bonfires, s'mores and pie irons!



Outside is about digging in the dirt, moving plantings around, and down on my hands and knees weeding. I love to water my flowers. I think I hear them giggle when the water hits then. And I know they smile up at my loving care with their colorful faces. Give me a couple of hours of weeding and moving dirt and I'm then ready to tackle hard stuff.


God has been whispering to me lately about my priorities. I have lots of good ones but what comes first; what's more important than the next? It's a place I'm sitting in and pondering but I haven't arrived at any final answers yet. Maybe it's a day to day thing. I'm reading Larry Crabb's "The Pressure's Off" and it's full of new thoughts. What priorities do I choose above my desire to move closer to God? Is my to-do list full of things I want or that God wants for me?


And as summer is finally upon me, I am continually looking at the list and determining what comes first today. What on my list today will really matter at the end of my journey here on Earth? What is Kingdom worthy and what is earthly and will pass away?


And right in the midst of all the pondering, will I stop pondering and rest quietly so I can hear God's whispers? Will I take time to run in the sprinkler and marvel at the rainbows of colors in the bubbles I create together with my grandchildren and let the to-do list be prioritized by God?


My thought for you to ponder................Where is God in your to-do list today? He doesn't ask us to "do". He wants us just to "be". Are you "being" or "doing" today?

Grains of Sand

We ran into this delightful sand castle on the beaches of Florida. Someone had spent lots of time sculping tiny white grains of sand to form this sight. There were motes and trees and tiny steps, windows and look out towers.

I am reminded of the tiny grains of sand - gazillion-millions of them, each created by God. They are washed back and forth into the sea and back onto the beach. They provide a soft landing for our toes. There are miles and miles of beautiful beaches full of sands of different colors.

I love walking the beach - wherever there is sand. Later this week I'll be walking the sand beaches of Lake Michigan. I'm headed to SALTS - Survivors of Abuse Leadership Training. I'm one of the leaders on the team. We have people coming from across the US and all over the world to learn how to go back to their home churches and start a ministry to the wounded and hurting. We use our stories of harm and the redemption God has written into us to walk along side others who have hurtful stories from their past. And we teach them to use their redemptive stories to walk with those God will bring across their paths.

It's always a mountain top week for me. It will have its difficult moments. Walking with others in their pain is hurtful. But seeing the glory God has planned for them as they journey toward His Light is such a gift.

If you are curious, the web site for Open Hearts Ministry, the host of SALTS is www.ohmin.org. It is through this training that I direct my ministry in my local area called Window of Hope. My passion is to use my story of redemtion to give hope to others who are struggling along the way.

Maybe I'll have time to built a sand castle of my own there on the beach.

Granpa Dane calls this the Secret Place. It's not very far from our house - just a couple of miles. The waterfall behind us is very high. I'm distance challenged but I'm guessing at least 25 feet high. Several of our grandchildren (and one of our sons) has climbed up the face and behind the waterfall.

Grandpa has been able to take all but four of his grandchildren to the Secret Place he discovered. He makes a pretty big deal of it. The drive takes us to a very old cemetary. The children get a very skeptical look on their faces and even a couple have said "Is this all it is?" I can see Granpa smiling discreetly as he heads them down a long path into the woods. He asks them to begin to listen and soon they hear water. Not too far into the woods we come upon this gorgeous sight. It's a perfect playground for children, with a pool of water, lots of rocks to skip down the creek and big rocks to make a natural bridge across the creek to the other side which is complete with "mountains" to be climbed and conquered. I think you get the picture. Add little ones to this and you end up with lots of wet and fun and adventure. Granpa and Grammie picnics are particularly memorable here.

The Secret Place is a beautiful scene that God has carved out of rock and water and nature. It's in a very unlikely place, and very unsuspecting. I wonder how many drive within a few hundred yards of it every day and have no idea that it even exists.

God has created a number of places of serenity in my life. Places I can run to in times of distress, needing a quiet place where I can hear nothing but God and His nature. We were challenged last week in our Journey Group (home church) about how hard it is to get totally quiet and make space to really hear God. I've noticed a personal struggle lately. I long to hear God speak into me the thoughts He wants me to ponder, but I tend to have some noise going, TV or stereo. TV brings it's own set of struggles and right choices, but my stereo is full of christian CD's that can bring me to worship. That isn't a wrong choice. But what else might I hear if I shut out all wordly noise and just listened. It's a new discipline I'm working on - not here yet, but still on the journey toward embracing silence in my life.

There are secret places where I can get really quiet and the only noise around me is that being made by God's nature. Are there those places for you? Do you need to go in search of a secret place of your own where you can really hear the voice of the one who created you, gifted you and is calling you to a special journey that only your can accomplish for Him with God working through you?

I'd share the location of Granpa Dane's secret place, but we really want to keep it to ourselves as long as we can. I challenge you to go in search of your own secret place. God has made many of them just for the finding.

Happy searching............

This is the view I have from my place of serenity in the North Woods of Michigan each August. Can you see the rainbow peeking out from the clouds? Life can be like that. The clouds of doubt, discouragement or despair can swirl around us. With news of financial struggles, loss of jobs and serious illness filling our world, it's easy to become discouraged.

We've faced some of that here in our home recently. Plans we had for our future seem to be tentative now because of financial changes. People are using their limited finances for the necessities of life, food, medicine and gas to get around. It makes for lean times for The Handyman (my husband, Dane). There aren't many requests right now for people to do any more than what is absolutely necessary in their homes to keep things running. Fortunately, despite a couple of viruses and a bout with food poisoning, we have maintained our health.

Our life has looked much like the dark, swirling clouds above in the photo. But if you look closely, the rainbow is there. And behind the rainbow, above the Canadian mountains in the photo is light - actually the Light. God promises us a rainbow to follow the storms and then His Light to shine on our lives with hope.

There is hope in our life. Each morning Dane and I list 5 blessings. They have to be new each day, not one we listed before. That is always a good reminder as we begin our day that God is bringing rainbows to us right out through the dark clouds. God promises us rainbows and He is faithful in His promise to Dane and me. Sometimes we have to look more deeply, but they are always there if we are willing to stand strong and take the time to look. Sometimes we have to swirl in the clouds awhile to appreciate the rainbow that is just beyond our human sight capability.

So is there a rainbow in your life today or just clouds. Want to talk about it?

I leave you looking for the rainbow God will bring..................

Sunsets have always delighted me. I find solace and serenity in colors intertwined together. It seems as though God took purple, orange, pink, blue and fuscia blobs of paint and dotted the evening sky. Then He swirled His hands around to create such gorgeous scenes at the closing of the day - kind of like finger painting God's way.

I have lots of sunset photos and each one is different and beautiful in it's own right. I've learned that the more colorful sunsets come preceeding or following storms. The mix of clouds help to cause the colors across the sky. Isn't that a lot like life? I long for the warm fuzzy feelings of life going right. But often to get to that point, I need to have some storms to redirect my path. And I might not appreciate the warm fuzzy or miss it totally if not for the storm in my life that preceeded it.

I had a great opportunity to spend a week with dear friends in Florida in mid-February. We were doing some personal work together while training ourselves in new materials in the ministries we direct for wounded and abused. I anticipated the new things I would learn about myself and deeper understanding of God's plan for my future. I realized before the warm fuzzy would need to come a storm or time of discovery which might be uncomfortable.

And indeed it came and indeed it was uncomfortable. It hurts to look at the damage I cause with my unrepentent attitudes and actions. It is never pleasant to see my shortcomings and understand the deliberate changes I need to make. The warm fuzzies that come from being humble and willing to undergo the "surgery" to remove unhealthy things in my life is well worth the effort.

The warm fuzzies of understanding, hope and growth did come and I'm thankful for the opportunity to spend this time with friends.

Here's a sunset to encourage you to ponder the whys of the storms in your life and God's plan for healing from them for you.

Gatherings of thoughts -- so what does that mean. Well actually maybe I should just have titled my blog Gatherings.

I have been gathering things since I was a young girl. A neighbor lady and I used to take walks and look for what we called Indian Beads. They were stone fossils that looked like beads and many had holes in them and could be strung. Two years ago a wonderful package arrived in the mail. It contained some of the stone beads we had collected. My friend, Gloria had saved some and sent them to me along with some photos of me taken as a little girl. Both of those things are precious to me. They show a side of me I hadn't seen in the photos and the beads remind me of a time past.

I still gather things. My favorite is walking the beaches for shells, rocks, feathers, drift wood or whatever God brings me. After reading Captivating by Staci Eldridge, I have longed to find a star fish like she finds in her book. Last year on Sanibel Island God granted my longing. He gave me not only a star fish, but one called a Brittle Star. It's not as prevalent or easy to find and has a wonderful star on it's tummy and tiny colorful tendrils. I have it in a shadow box and it often reminds me just how faithful God is at times to grant my silly requests of Him.

This year while walking the beach with Dane in Bradenton, Florida I found a sand dollar. It was a gift from God to remind me that He has created lots of things for me to gather to remind me of His glorious creation and my part in His plan.

Psalm 139 always brings me hope because I was formed in the darkest parts of my mother's womb and God knew I was there and would keep me safe despite the desires of others. My journey would be a struggle as a young girl in unpleasant surroundings, but God had a plan to prosper and keep me.

So I leave you to day with a question. What do you like to gather?